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Obsessed With NOt Forgetting

My father passed on about 6 years ago. Time becomes distorted when I think of him. It is as if it stops or fast forwards itself- like time doesn't really exist. I don't think it does. Maybe his presence beyond the veil is proof for when I concentrate on him time sinks, dissappears and I do not know anything- I just know that he is close, but not close enough in human terms. I feel like two distinct beings when I think of him. I know instinctively that he has never left my side and or is available and or doing something on his own that is tied into me somehow, but I am afraid. My fear comes from the human condition, not my instinctual grace. My humanness doesnt' seem to want to go away. It haunts me and tries to erase and bring me down. The emotional thing that runs so deep is so strange and confusing. I let it come because I have no choice here. I am in a limited dimension. If I wanted to get my crap together and mediate more, let go of the human stuff and promote more of my grace, I could. Who knows why I don't.

Why do I miss him? It is not just the man that was ever so lightfilled, but just a person that lived outside the box. So unmainstream, yet so intune with it all. If I had some crazy whim, mostly spiritual- he would meet me there and go far beyond my expectations. For example, if I had some question or experience he would have some profound answer and or expectation that I should meet. He was in the world - yet strangely other worldly.

Right now I have this feeling that I have some connection to my local area. It is sort of a Carlos Canstenada- experience. I think he wrote about Don Juan- the Yaquai Indian sorcerer who helped Carlos begin his spirtual journey. I thought there was something about noticing the signs out in nature, that they are speaking to you if you would only focus your energy in a different direction. Everytime I go out into the desert- an Osprey flies over my path or very close to it. It happens when I am in the car too, on my way home- which is in the middle of the desert. So it is strange. Now my dad has read all those book, not to mention a lot more on all things spiritual and psychological. But it is not only that, he is very in tune with the EArth. He could be an Oxford academic, but also a bee keeper, fence builder, Japanese garden creator. I mean his attributes go on forever. He would feel and have fun at any pub in the world- then he would be able to write a drop dead gorgeous dissertation on Quatum Physics and how that promotes our spiritual nature- I mean it. Of course I am completely prejudice and bias towards his ability. Just miss it and really want to know what amazing things he is up to. If there was ever a soul who is doing something brilliant on the other side it is him. Someone like Ghandi - Martin Luther King- you know they are not just sitting around in heaven chilling- come on they are shakers and movers- they are getting something started whereever they are!!!

As it relates to my Osprey friends in the sky- I am not quitting my job and becoming a shaman- and I don't know if is true or not- but I think as you open your mind to other possibities the universe will meet you half way. There is a lot in the universe going on- even if you are aware or not. If we spend all of our energy working, consuming, being distracted then we will never move on... I plan on moving on- when the moment in space and time where everything aligns and opens up.